Worlds And Dreams
by Funeral Of A Friend
Summary: Sometimes, Life's not about happy endings. And as he sits in a room full of empty memories, James realises this.


1 year, 3 months, 3 weeks and 5 days. That's how long they were together for.

Two friends who just happened to cross a boundary, a boundary that has been crossed so many times before and will be crossed so many more times. The boundary between friends and lovers.

He can still remember the first day he met her. He was standing on the platform, waiting for the Hogwarts Express to arrive. It was his first day, and he was unsurprisingly quite nervous. And then through the smoke he saw her face. She was standing alone, carrying her trunk and an owl. He didn't think a lot of it then. But now, now he realises that everything changed then. Even if it was only a fleeting moment. He was sorted into Gryffindor, and she into Ravenclaw. He didn't think a lot of her, but rather just settled into his new life.

From then on, she was nothing more than a face in the crowd. She was just someone that he would smile at on the stairs, or ask to pass him a book in the library, and play against once a year at Quidditch. He smiles and remembers this point, when there was nothing to worry about, nothing that required him to pour his body and soul into. Of course, this was about to happen, starting with the first lesson of OWL Arithmency.

It was only the two of them in the class, mainly due to it being an incredibly difficult subject. The first few lessons pass in an awkward silence, neither of them is quite willing to break the silence that they find plaguing their lesson. Until one evening, whilst coming back from a Quidditch practice, he sees her. Sitting outside by herself, reading a book and smoking a cigarette. He finds himself enthralled by her and makes his way over and sits down beside her. He holds out his hand and introduces himself. She smiles and shakes his hand. They talk long into the night, and in the end they spend the night outside together, in a tent he conjures. He always did have a knack for transfiguration. Every year, they repeated this, staying out and talking long into the night. From there on, it was the start if a friendship that would change their lives.

His life slowly began to revolve around her; his days were planned as to when they could spend time with each other. Arithmency was no longer awkward, but the part of the day he looked forward to most. They were two very competent students, and their teacher found it was easy to leave them to their own devices most of the time. It was during these lessons that they became inseparable. They realised that they had similar backgrounds that they were both masquerading as people they didn't want to be. But most of all, they found that they were happy together.

Of course, for all the benefits, she begins to have a negative influence on his life as well. His family aren't keen on her, and he begins to isolate himself from them. Not that he thinks of this as a bad thing, he always thought that family was over-rated. He starts to smoke, not a lot mind you, but when he is with her and she is smoking he will join it. And as time goes on he smokes by himself, it always reminded him of her, and now that she is gone all he has are memories.

He smiles to himself as he lights up a cigarette, it may remind him of her, but it also gives him a feeling of serenity that nothing else can quite seem to match. He picks up a guitar off of the floor and begins to play, something sad, something that would bring a tear to his eye. It was her who introduced him to music, her who showed him how incredible and moving it could be. Her mother was a muggle, and so she had a large collection of muggle music that she shared with him over the years. He has two favourite pieces, one is called Worlds and Dreams, and the other is called Streetcar. And now she has gone, he spends a long time listening to music. He finds that it can heal him on a level that nothing else can quite reach.

He lies back on the sofa, takes a drag off his cigarette and though back to the day they first crossed that boundary. It was January over the Christmas Holidays. She was dating some guy, for reasons he had never quite understood as she still preferred spending time with him rather than her boyfriend. She was at his house and it was New Years Eve, they were sitting out in the garden looking up at the stars. Everything was so right in that moment, and as he looked up into the sky he saw a shooting star. She turned to him and whispered, 'Make a wish'. And so he did, and he kissed her in that moment. And she kissed him back. And for that moment, it seemed as if time itself had stopped and there was nothing, nothing apart from them.

Of course it was awkward in those next few days. They were best friends, they could not think of each other in that way. But of course it happened. After she had broken up with her boyfriend, she came looking for him. And they went out to the Lake, and they sat down and they talked. And when they came up from the Lake, and into the Great Hall, they were holding hands and smiling, as if nothing in the world could bring them down.

And then at least, it couldn't. Their relationship held strong, and at the same time nothing had changed. Sure, they would kiss each other, but apart from that, they spent the same hours with each other, still acted the same way round each other. Thinking back to it now, he realises how perfect everything was.

Throughout everything they went through, there are two things that stick out the most. The two moments that he would give anything, just to relive again. The first was during a conversation they had one night, and he knows her words will stick in his mind until his dying day. 'Fairy tales do not tell children that dragons exist, children know that dragons exist. Fairy tales tell children that dragons can be killed.' He can't remember why she said it, or what he said back. And he's still not sure why those words were so powerful, but they were, and he has come to accept that.

The second thing that she said was the day before they finished Hogwarts. Neither of them had any idea what was going to happen to them, and all that he knew was that he didn't want her to leave. Her words still haunt his memory to this day, 'I'll never leave you, never. Whenever you need me, I'll be with you, you just have to shut your eyes and think that after all I'm not that far away. You have been my first love, and I'll never forget you.'

But if course, as everything does, it ended. He still doesn't understand why. She came in one day, and he could see she was troubled. He knows now that he should have done something, the way her hands were shaking showed him that much. She sat down opposite him and refused to meet his gaze. When he asked her what was wrong, she replied with the words that broke his heart, 'I can't do this anymore'. He doesn't know what to say, and so she gets up and leaves. She never gives her reasons. He asks once or twice, but she never replies. She leaves the country soon, after asking him never to contact her again.

He stands up, shaking his head clear of those memories that haunt his every action. He has cried every tear, screamed every scream and tried everything to forget her. And then, one day at a family gathering, he loses it. All those happy couples, all arguing, he couldn't take it any longer.

'SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UP AND SHUT UP, okay? Who are you people to give me advice about anything? All you do is just _bitch_ about your relationships _all day long!_ It's actually fun to watch you sabotage a relationship from the _outside_, it really is. Honestly, the only thing that gives me comfort, you guys, is that while I'm sitting at home, staring at the ceiling, just _wishing_ that I had someone to _talk to_, is knowing that none of you idiots realize how lucky you are!'

After that, he leaves and stays away from his family. They try and come over and talk to him, but he refuses to even open his door. None of them understand his position. To have the one person that he gave everything up for, leave his life with not even an explanation.

In the days that pass, he realises something. Relationships don't work the way they do on television and in the movies. Because he is not a polite person who lives in poems, and neither was she. But now, now he has nothing. Nothing but an empire of dirt and a box of memories.

Because he is James Sirius Potter and she was Sophie Malfoy. And they were never supposed to have a happy ending. And sitting there on a sofa he sings, he sings to drown his sorrows and to move on. He sings to remember her and to forget her.

'And I'd wish the sun would never come  
It's 4 AM and you are done  
I hope you know you're letting go  
It's 4 AM and I'm alone.'

And sitting there by himself, he remembers one more thing. He remembers back to the time when he asked her why she never said what was on her mind, 'Perhaps we don't speak because we are learning how to fall back into our primal states of feeling through touching and experiencing and trusting and diving head first into the tiger's mouth.

Perhaps we don't speak because there is more conversation that exists between the stars that connect two people together and making noises with our mouths never seems like the adequate approach when in love.

Perhaps we don't speak because when we have people like you in this world, there's nothing left to do but cover our mouths in awe, and just breathe you in like starlight.'


End file.
